Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
