Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
