can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How does one acquire holy water?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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