At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where is the hickey?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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