david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
