i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
