Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize