Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize