I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was like eating out sand paper
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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