also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize