i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
