last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
