drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
