I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
