this beer tastes like vomit already
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
