I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
