a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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