She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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