Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize