ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We're using joints as your birthday candles
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
