Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
