I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
