I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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