Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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