playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
