you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
