operation have a gay friend backfired
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
