I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
