Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
