Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
