I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
