How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
