dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
