it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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