Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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