so that wasnt chicken after all
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize