peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
