Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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