I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
