If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
