Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
