We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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