How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
