Can i not drive my cunt home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
