apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
