They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize