I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think my fart just growled at me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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