tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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