I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
where does the pee come out of this thing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
