That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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