Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
