JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
