Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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