He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
