don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
