just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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