yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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