just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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