I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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