fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
