This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your penis caused this!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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