I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
