I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
