It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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