I'm going to jail i love you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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