Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
