so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
