I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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