I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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