this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
