I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do herpes really smell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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