I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
