I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize