I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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