When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
