i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
