It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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