you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
