I'm going to jail i love you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
