I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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