He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize