so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I touched a dick in church today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
