good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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